Blogging for Sanity

This is my first post.  I'm thinking this blog might just save my sanity. As you may have read from the blog description, I'm 31, SBF, and I'd say pretty damned Hot, but for the life of me can't figure out how I end up in the situations I do.  I have to find the humor in things that happen to me... if I didn't I'd be nutty as squirrel shit.  Hope you find it entertaining...  this is my most recent train wreck. 

Match Point - So i thought

I'm out with my sister at a friend's birthday party at a popular lounge a few weeks ago, and this GORGEOUS, tall, built beautiful guy (a la Christopher Williams in "New Jack City") walks in that I've never seen before.  Being that I feel like I've already dated any decent guy in this city and has resulted in crash and burn, I'm super-excited about this stranger.  Fresh meat.   So after some encouragement from my sister, I make my way across the room to talk to the guy who is standing by himself.  So we chit chat.. he lives out of town about 1 1/2 hours away, single, and is in real estate and contracting.  In addition to being fine as hell, he very cool. We exchange numbers and I walk back across the room to my sister... victorious.   

So.. the next day.. dude... let's call him Don.. calls and leaves a nice message, he's glad that we met the night before and looks forward to getting to know me.  We talk several times and Don is the Greatest!!!  All looks aside, we have oodles in common, he was born in Dominican Republic and he loves to ski... 2 things I love... Skiing and Dominican men.  It's a rap for me.. God sent Don to me and this was a cue to start clearing my phone book.  Over the next few weeks Don comes to visit several times and even invites me to the beach for a few days so we can chill out together.  Don is wonderful.. the rest of you losers please stop calling me... God sent confirmed...

Wednesday... 4 days before the Beach with Don

Don and I are talking about our up coming trip over the phone during the day.  Everything is still a go but my intuition says something is strange, he doesn't sound too confident.  So later that evening I send him a text message, pretty random, maybe "call me" or something like that.  About an hour later I get a message from a strange number that reads:

"I don't mean to be rude, but who is this and why are you texting my husband"

Awwwwhhhh Hell No!!!!  

my response:  "Confused... who's husband am I texting"

"me & "Don" have been together for 7 years, in case u didn't know we are married"

OK... the irony here is that out of the times I may have been guilty of being with someone else's man... this time I'm totally innocent ... never had this happen before... I hate drama

I'm suppressing every urge to lose my mind on this broad because this is really between me & Don.  What the hell is going on!?!  Damn does this mean I'm not going to the Beach!?!

I gotta be cool until I can talk to him the next morning get to the bottom of this foolishness.  I take some Tylenol PM (I don't encourage drug use but sometimes you need a little help) and go to sleep..

How Many Ways Can You Say Dumb Ass....

I go through my normal morning routine.. calmly just waiting to get in my car on my way to work to unleash on this M*therf*cker.  So I call him, he doesn't answer... Now I'm furious.  I send him a text message "What U scared to talk to me?"  He calls right back and says "Yes, kind of".   

There was about 6 seconds of quiet. . . . . . then I went Slam-da-F*ck OFF!!!!

I'm gonna try to leave the explicits out of the blog. I screamed on this dude like I have never screamed on anyone in my life... in morning traffic.  I was a woman possessed.  Richard Pryor incarnated... this is sort of how the conversation went:

me: "Nicca You Married!?!!! Your wife texted me last night... What kinda bullsh*t do you have me involved in"

Don: "Well... Yes... But it just kinda happened"

me: "What the hell you mean It just kinda happened!?!  What Dumb Ass kinda happens in to a marriage and how come you didn't say anything to me!?!"

Don: "It wasn't planned. We got married on Saturday, we've been off and on and she gave me an ultimatum and the papers and I didn't know what to do. I think I made a mistake. I have even told my family yet"

 me: "Saturday!?! As in 4 days ago... a week before we're supposed to go to the beach!?! An Ultimatum!?! Who does this kinda Sh*t!?! You are the Stupidest M*therf*cker in the world !?! ...."

And so on it went... my barrage of  deplorable language until I was out curse words and breath.. 

Long story short... Yes this half-witted m*therf*cker got married while I was scheduling a bikini wax and buying flip flops!!!  Craziest part about it he really sounded like a fool. Almost felt bad for the dude he just realized what he got himself into.. He sounded like he just ran over somebody's dog with is babbling apologies. Why do men do this??? Really who gets forced into a shotgun wedding in 2008!?! But that didn't stop me from continuing to cuss him and trying my best make him feel like shit. 

Well back to the drawing board... no beach... no ski weekends in Utah... 

There's something to be said for the quote "If it looks too good to be true... it probably is..."

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